Worst Jokes Ever
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
How do you win an argument against an emo?
Kick the chair!
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.