Worst Jokes Ever
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.