Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”