Worst Jokes Ever
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
I am glass! People see right through me.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.