Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What is a cow's favorite move? -- The sound of moooosic.
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.