Worst Jokes Ever
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai