Worst Jokes Ever
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.