Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
Closer kin, deeper in!
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"