Worst Jokes Ever

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.

What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?

The Final Cut.

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?

It has better reflexes than the twin towers.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?

Experience.

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

*Loud explosion inside the tank*

"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.