Worst Jokes Ever
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.
Yo mama so fat Thanos had to clap.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)