Worst Jokes Ever
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.