Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as Red Bull.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.