Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.