Worst Jokes Ever
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...