Worst Jokes Ever
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.