Worst Jokes Ever

Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

What the difference between a priest and acne

Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

Why was Santa happy?

Because he had 3 hoes.

Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Steven.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

What is the only place fat people live?

Obi-city.

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"

Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.