Worst Jokes Ever
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.
Why can’t orphans go on school trips?
They need a parent signature.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?
A plains biome.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."