Worst Jokes Ever
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?
Awwtistic.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.