Worst Jokes Ever
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."