Worst Jokes Ever
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
My day started out great until I woke up.
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
I'm not fat!!
I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."