What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Worst Jokes Ever
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?
A plains biome.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
