Worst Jokes Ever

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.

What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

Why can't orphans go on school field trips? Parent Signature: _______

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

Little kids leave preschool.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.

What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!