Worst Jokes Ever
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.