Worst Jokes Ever
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
How do mountains see? They peek.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
John
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)