Worst Jokes Ever
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
When is a rape victim right?
When she admits she lied.
What's worse than ants down your pants? Michael Jackson.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Why is Ahmed gay? Because he created 9/11. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaa
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.