Worst Jokes Ever
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."