Worst Jokes Ever
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.