Worst Jokes Ever
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.