Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.