Worst Jokes Ever

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"

Professor: "Oui oui."

Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”

The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”

The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”

What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?

A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.

What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

One has a home.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.

What’s an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home.

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"