Worst Jokes Ever
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.