Worst Jokes Ever
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”