Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Why did the orphan eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come home with the milk.
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.