Worst Jokes Ever
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?
A plains biome.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."