Worst Jokes Ever
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.
+1 share = 1 kid in my blender.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.