Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.