Worst Jokes Ever

Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?

Cause he’s dead.

Why do orphans hate hide n seek?

'Cause they can't find their parents.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

The only thing flat earthers have to fear...

... is a sphere itself.

What pizza did the Twin Towers order?

A plain one.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

Students: "oof"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Yeah, your parents."

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."