Worst Jokes Ever

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mama.

Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)

Me: I know, you always are...

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Alex.

Alex who?

Lalicks your balls.

Why are dogs born with balls?

They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.

What country has been the hottest in recent years?

Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!

How did the orphan go to school?

Not by his parents.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!