Worst Jokes Ever
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
How do emo kids complement each other?
They say, "I like ya cuts g."
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Why did the depressed person cross the road?
To get run over.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
What's an emo's least favorite show?
Dr. Phil.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."