Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
Worst Jokes Ever
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
