Worst Jokes Ever

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don’t know where home is.

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.

Why did NASA have to go to space? Because space is lonely.

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

Here [are] some questions firesharky:

1. What color hair do u have?

2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

3. What state [were] u born in?

Do not say I don't know.

Do you know why orphans don't have parents?

Because no one raised you.

Why do you play Call of Duty?

I actually don't know.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Kid 2: Why?

Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.