Worst Jokes Ever
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c– MOO!
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What does a website have that an orphan doesn't? A home.
What’s an orphan’s favorite phone? An iPhone 14 'cause it doesn’t have a home button.
Why can't the orphan run past third base?
'Cause the orphan doesn't have a home to run to.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
I have always been scared of stairs; they're always up to something.
I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.
Why do y’all do this?
Because you're lonely.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.