What did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
Amber Heard morning schedule: - Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower
If you'r american when you go in the bathroom and you american when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do you call a spanish toilet. Elton John
Ur forehead so big when u go to the toilet it bends U stooped
YOUR SO POOR YOU USE THE SAME TOILET PAPER EVERY TIME YOU TAKE A POOP
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out. "He doesn't love me anymore!!" The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because ,most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis' the officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Onna day Imma going to Malta to bigga hotel In the morning I go downa to eat breakfast, I tell the waitress I want to pieces of toast, She brings me only one piece, I tell her I want to piece, She sais: "go to the toilet", I say: "you nounderstand", I wanna piece on my plate, she says: "you better not piss on your plate you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eata at the bigga restaurant, the waitress brings me a spoon and a knive, but no fork, I tell her i wanted a fork, she tella me everyone wanna fuck, i tell: "you don't understand, I wanna fork on my table", she says: "you better not fuck on the table you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch
I dont need this shit!
So I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed, call the manager and telling him I wanna a sheet, he tella me go to the toilet, I say: "you don't understand, I wanna sheet on my bed", he says: "you better not shit on my bed you son of a bitch",
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk says 'peace on you', I say 'piss on you too you son of a bitch, Im going back to Italia, ariva derchi'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent
My boyfriend and i were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet. All our friends were shocked when i went into the boys bathroom with him.
Kid: I forgot to flush the toilet, sry I just forgot Adult: just like your parents forgot YOU 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".
You know if you Poo on the toilet at 11:59 pm... then at 12:01 am, its just the same shit , different day.....
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.
I said, 'I shit you not.'
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush
"do you know the differance between wallpaper and toilet paper" replys "no" "gross"
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
A toddler, was giving her daddy a tea party She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea , her Mom came home, Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
