Toilet jokes
You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.
What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?
Holy shit.
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
Why did the toilet paper get to the bottom of the hill?
Because he went down the drain! - it's a bad joke, lmao.
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
Why couldn't the toilet cross the road?
Answer: 'Cause it got stuck in the crack.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire English innings.
What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]