- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
the toothbrush Says'' i have the worst job in the whole world''. the toilet paper behind him''yeah right''.
why couldnt the toilet cross the road awnser> cause it got stuck in the crack
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire English innings.
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! Hahahahhaha!
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
