Toilet jokes
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
Why couldn't the toilet cross the road?
Answer: 'Cause it got stuck in the crack.
When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...
Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire English innings.
What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! Hahahahhaha!
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.