Say this when you answer a spam call... Hi welcome to bobs taco shack and funeral home. Wear yesterdays grief is todays beef.
The pie tasted weird today. Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie WITH human flesh from C town.
Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength. Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!!!
Peace out!!!! <3
(Phone call) This is Franks funeral home and grill where yesterday’s grief is todays beef. How may we help you ?
knock knock whos there? twins. twins who? twins go boom boom today on 9/11
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said "I'm gonna call your parents!" I said "let me know when you find them" <3
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day Emo kids: Here lies Chris he shot himself
I ran into a kid today now im in jail and i lost ma drivers license
I got evicted from the hospital today For telling all the patients to stay positive! What a negative effect!
Teacher says okay class today were gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up Little Johnny how about you go first. Little jonny: " I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck. I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a child Student: sorry to hear Teacher:is anyone missing today Student: Your parents
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
-Dark_Humor
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs and no body. He will be known as "The Head".
Be grateful: You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
I ran into a fat woman today she said next time don’t hit me. I said I don’t think I have enough gas to go around. Then the ground start to rumble with every step she took
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully. But I can break yours today, hopefully.
*karen walks into MCcdonalds lady at the counter:HI what can I get for you today?? Karen:i want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE lady at the counter:yes miss Karen:I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS lady at the counter:*sweats* Karen:THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW SKINY NOODLE
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Kids uncle " your mum said you can have your friends round tonight ! But imma have to baby sit today" . Kid "OK THANK YOU". (AT BED TIME ) Kid " Please may u stop touching my leg BEN!" Ben "im not " (turns light on ) Kid " UCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME !!!"
