Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Arab. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel a migrant worker.
what did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant? who's the specialty today.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me
Today there was a line to punch me. Yeah that was the PUNCH LINE.
Same old boring ass day, until a person Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention. He really shook things up today.
There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job
i got kicked out of a library today
because i put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section
I got in trouble at school today bc I played the knife game with a pair of scissors but I couldn't flip them off bc I was missing that finger.
I got in trouble today bc I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said lighten up
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach and an deppresso expresso".
Today I was asked what I wanted to be and I said I wanted to be a pinata bc I want to be hanged
Today a child asked if I was an angle, I asked why and he said "mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
my dog died today😥
Hi everyone today I am taking requets for anything u want me to say
My bother apparently has this thing called "asthma", anyways I took his vape away today and he was lying on the floor gasping for air lol. He must really be addicted to it.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that i saw pristiano penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon
i replaced jingle bells with jiggle balls... jiggle balls jiggle balls jiggle all the way! oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!
Teacher: hi class today we wll learn about the song, London Bridge is falling down falling down, then one student said I thought it was "twin towers are falling down falling down"!
