Today jokes

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.