Time jokes

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

Why do orphans play GTA so much?

Because they can be wanted for once.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

I once made a belt out of clocks.

It was a waist of time.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?

9:11 AM