Time jokes

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

Why do orphans play GTA so much?

Because they can be wanted for once.

What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?

9:11 AM

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"