I like women how I like my hair dryer, locked in a closet most of the time, and only being used to blow me dry
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
The only only time rape jokes are funny is never.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives. condoms 99 percent effective birth controll 99 percent effective ect just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time ( only cost 20 years in jail ;)
a kid walks into the class room on time
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time,look at a ugly dog,and smell the garbage
What kind of ☆ will come out in the day time?🌞
A star fish!🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
What did a tree 🌳 I do for a human rights rights day at a tree 🌳 I had no time today after a night night with you today but you walk away
Good day tomorrow and what day are they still good today good time love 💕 day a great 👍 night time and
one day I had the munchies,so I ate a clock it was very... TIME CONSUMING
wanna hear a joke about measurment... nevermind it would take to long
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present
The cop that is on a 12 o clock shift says hands up
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
x : morning sunshine y : oh, yeah 30 minutes more
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon? It’s twelve ow clock.
