Time jokes
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.
Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.
I had a good time with friends!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
What time is it when you say, "Wake up?"
It is morning.