Time jokes

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

How is a priest like a wristwatch?

They both start at 12.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

I once made a belt out of clocks.

It was a waist of time.

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?

A: "Hit me baby one more time."

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"