Time jokes

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Why do orphans play GTA so much?

Because they can be wanted for once.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.