Time jokes
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What is the best joke of all time?
Feminism.
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.