Time jokes
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.