Time jokes
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
You know I wish life was shorter?
I want it over.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.