Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
