Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.
i told my friend an egg joke yesterday he thought it was eggcelent.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
