Thought jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"