To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?
Because he thought it said "Home Deport."
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
