Thought jokes

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]