Thought jokes

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.

Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?