Thought jokes

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!