Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?
Because he thought it said "Home Deport."
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"
Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.
The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...
And then it hit me.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
