Thought jokes

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]