Thought jokes

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

Yo mama so stupid, she joined the Squid Game as a sea life lover because she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?

Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

I want to be a bag so we can be together.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.

We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂