Thought jokes

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought Bruno Mars was a planet!

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.