Thought jokes
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
Yo mama so fat, she thought "RAW MEN" was "RAMEN."
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.