If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called? Therianarchy!
I was at a My Chemical romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought....NO WAY!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Quote of the day: Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day [Comment your favorite fall beverage]
why did a mexican go to home depot? because he thought it said "home deport"
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up? I thought what all we had was special
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda? She thought it was Diet Coke
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom whats dark humor?" I thought about it than said, "Go wave to that blind person" and he just looked at me, confused, but angry.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
We thought that my mother died in the best was possible, during her sleep. But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.
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Mom: Anna let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time and you the other half that way it will all be fair and I don't have to put up with this crying, I've already got 7 others to take care of.
Anna: I do mom. I have Fred(younger brother) go up and I go down!
Mom: Good. NOW HOW 'BOUT THE REST OF YOU GO PLAY OUTSIDE IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUT THERE IT'S THE WARMEST IT'S BEEN ALL YEAR, 45 DEGREES BELOW 0!
Kids: WOW! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and i thought, huh, that's a little con-descending
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose. Hey give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded! Oh no not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys I just lost my finger a day ago this is Tony later on
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like 'ankle biters', 'rug rats' and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, 'carpet muncher' doesn't mean what I thought it does.
