I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
We are close to beating the world record of comments on this website (171). Right now, there are 155, so put more comments!
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Wow, my own joke. Category: I problem won’t remember this.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Is Gwen still on this app thing?
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
