Think Jokes

I remember waving at this guy in the street, the asshole didn't wave back... Come to think of it he was also swing around a weird stick.

you think people with glasess are smart but they fail the eye doter test

When the school shooter says "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️🙋‍♂️

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think damn better luck next time

I don,t think I'm allergic to this

my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window

My boy I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now! *draws a picture of his "epic" sword* "what......WHAT..... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

Why does the sky think it's so powerful Because it's always looking down on us

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.

9/11... 911... COINCEDENCE I THINK NOT

You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in Jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10 year olds

- I think you ́re EGGcellent. + Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you`re a EGGxtraordinary comedian. - Really? Are you done yet?. + Are you kidding? a have a DOZEN of them.

A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." -- Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.