Think jokes
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."
Nardo Wick
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."