Think jokes

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?

Orbiter: "Or bitter?"

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

Comments of Gwen in her bra!

Jordan Jadoke: Wow such a good looking kid!

Heo: Dude stop! Who the hell got this!

prince/mr tallie: Hey stop!

YOU: Sexy sexy sexxy! How much does she cost!

Kenya Bailey: NOTHING SHE IS NOT A SEX SLAVE SHE IS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck u Kenya: SHUT UP!

Big Ideas: Do u think I hav a chance with her? Cause if then SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kariah: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mariah: U GUYS EXPECT PRINCE, HEO, AND KENYA ARE GOOD PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT CHILD MOLESTERS!!!!!!!!!!

Hot: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Fring: I want to take u home all to my self!

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

Friend: Do you think she likes me?

Me: Yah.

Friend: Really😀😀😀?

Me: Hell no.

Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Algorithm.

Algorithm who?

Think Algorithm to the store.

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

lmao why do people think they can fly?

I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

Read this:

Crack

What did you think of? A window crack or the drug?

A politician dies. So a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately, you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that, however, you're free to choose where you want to spend eternity!"

"Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell??" says the politician. "Them's the rules," says St Peter, clicks his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy disappears...

And awakes, curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he's in Hell. Cautiously, he listens for the screams, sniffs the air for brimstone, and finds... Nothing. Just the smell of, is that fabric softener? And cut grass, this can't be, right?

"Open your eyes!" says a voice. "C'mon, wakey, we've only got 24 hours!". Nervously, he uncovers his eyes, looks around, and sees he's in a hotel room. A nice one too. Wait, this is a penthouse suite... And there's a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini. "Who are you??" The politician asks. "Well, I'm Satan!" says the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. "Welcome to Hell!" "Wait, this is Hell? But... Where are all the pain and suffering?" he asks. Satan throws him a wink. "Oh, we've been a bit misrepresented over the years, it's a long story. Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is, of course, free, as is the room service, there are extra towels next to the hot tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It's a beautiful day, and if you'd care to look outside..." Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wanders over to the floor-to-ceiling windows through which the sun is glowing, looks far down, and sees a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course. "It's one of 5 pro-level courses on-site, and there's another 6 just a few minutes drive out past the beach and harbor!" says Satan, answering his unasked question. So they head down in the lift and walk out through the glittering lobby where everyone waves and welcomes the man, as Satan signs autographs and cheerily talks shop with the laughing staff. And as he walks out, he sees the group on the golf course is made up of every one of his old friends, people he's admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he's admired but died long before his career started. And out of the middle of this group walks his wife, with a massive smile and the body she had when she was 20, who throws her arms around him and plants a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheers and applauds, and as they slap him on the back and trade jokes, his worst enemy arrives, as a 2-foot-tall goblin-esque caddy. He spends the day in the bright sunshine on the course, having the time of his life laughing at jokes and carrying on important discussions, putting the world to rights with his friends while holding his delighted wife next to him as she gazes lovingly at him. Later, they return to the hotel for dinner and have an enormous meal, perfectly cooked, which descends into a food fight when someone accidentally throws a bread roll at the next table (where Gandhi is having a game of truth-or-dare with Marylin Monroe). As everyone is falling about laughing and flinging breadsticks at each other, his wife whispers in his ear... And they return to their penthouse suite and spend the rest of the night making love as they did on their honeymoon. After 6 hours of intense passion, the man falls deep into the 100% Egyptian cotton pillows and falls into a deep and happy sleep...

And is woken up by St Peter. "So, that was Hell. Wasn't what you were expecting, I bet?" "No sir!" says the man. "So then," says St Peter "you can make your choice. It's Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on". "Well... I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I'd prefer Hell," says the politician. "Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!" Says St Peter, and clicks his fingers again.

The man wakes up in total darkness, the stench of ammonia filling the air and distant screams the only noise. As he adjusts, he can see the only light is from belches of flame far away, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulfurous ocean. A sudden bolt of lightning reveals Satan next to him, wearing the same suit as before and grinning, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor wire in the other. "What's this??" He cries. "Where's the hotel?? Where's my wife??? Where's the minibar, the golf courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks, and the sunshine???"

"Ah", says Satan. "You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted..."

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.

Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?

Stranger 1: You can't!

Stranger 2: You can.

Stranger 3: How?

Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.

Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?

Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.

Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-

(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)