Things

Things jokes

Wish

    • There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.

    The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”

    So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.

    The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.

    The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.

    The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.

    The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.

    While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”

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    • Body

    • I hate these double standards.

    Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.

    Wall

    • What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:

    The best thing they did was a wall.

  • 0
    • Things memes

    Bf

    • If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

  • 0

    • Meth

    • You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

    Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

  • 2

    • Day

    • One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

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    • Noose

    • Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

    The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

    He grabs a noose.

  • 4

    • Website

    • I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...

    Abortion

    • My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

  • 2

    • Morning

    • The first ever joke:

    https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning?