I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
The only thing longer than the Great Wall of China is your hairline.
I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.
Roblox jokes on this page in a nutshell: something about Roblox girlfriends, and "Add me on Roblox. My name is Sonicboy100299easyarsenaltowerofhellproxdlol."
The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
What is an orange?
World's only not rhyming thing. Hehhhehehehehhe.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
