I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed.
"The truest things ARE the funniest things."
-Lollipop from JacknJellify, the BFDI series.
Best thing ever right here
So there is this app on your phone called ringer go into it there is a 12-15 digit number enter that into my phone my dick will get 12- 15 inches longer
What's the code thing on Minecraft that decides the world generation?
Seed?
Seedeeznuts!
20 years later Jhonny: Hey dad Dad:yea? Jhonny: Fuck you I ain't comin back to your grave in 16 years then ima come back BITCH Dad: doing the same thing i did to you and your mother ay i deserve it :( ;O not reall...NOT A FUCKING ALL. Jhonny: Yea you kinda fucking do. Dad:...
Hi, this is a good prank I did.
So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)
Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)
So my ex who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
