Thing jokes

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Hey, you might want to look at your butt because there's something coming out of Uranus.

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?

Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What do you call an ugly, grey thing?

Cinderelephant!

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

Okay, when I leave for ONE DAY something happens like people being sexist and men saying that women are weak (Which is Not True), AND rape. I hate hearing and really saying the word. Just stop with all this nonsense. I say rape and sexist and woman assault jokes should not be allowed. They are too cruel and mean to women. Most men are weaker than women. So don't anyone make anymore things or "jokes" about rape. Women are strong and don't be mean to them.

Sincerely, watersharky (How did I not misspell????)

No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!

What does the ocean do to its friends?

It waves.

(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?

Party crashers.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?

Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

What's a cow's favorite thing?

A mooooovie.