They're jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.
Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"