They're jokes
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Memes
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something :D
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.