They jokes
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can't orphans have sex?
They don't know who daddy is.
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
They say people are 75% water.
But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
Why do dwarfs suck a cow's udder instead of being breastfed? Because they are too short.
It would be fun, they said...
It was unsinkable, they said...
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.