They jokes
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
Memes
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
What does an orphan and Spider-Man have in common?
They have no "why home" 👹